i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
