I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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