So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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