I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
