Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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