I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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