How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
