belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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