Buhtt sex?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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