I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
