So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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