She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
