Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
