You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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