May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
