yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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