Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Randomize
