I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
