I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
