well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
