so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
