so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
