i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
