this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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