Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
