btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
