just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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