last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
