In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
