This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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