girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
