he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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