i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
