Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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