Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
