I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
then he tried to convert me to islam
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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