I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
