i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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