i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
