with your own penis?
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
