My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
