I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
what day is it and did you see me today?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
