No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i think my cat just said my name.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
