I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We are two peas in an std pod
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
