it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
