Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
They took my balls.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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