her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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