so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
