i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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