and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
